i was over at chris hardwick’s site and ran across a blog post he had written, “Tell Panic Attacks to Go Suck It.” i’ve had a battle with this very thing since about 2003. it caused me to restructure my life, move closer to family and basically start over. i really enjoyed this post as he hits the nail on the head with it. a couple of quotes i particularly like:
Folks not blessed with the gift of hyper-self-awareness don’t really understand the rush of liquid fear that floods the body. They just think we’re being “kooky.” I have a joke in my act about trying to describe the feeling of a full-blown panic attack: “Imagine being F*CKED in the HEART.”
and
…explains why you want to punch the air or run yourself into a wall like a 28 Days Later chimp. This impulse is left over from our forest dwelling days and is usually reserved for actual life or death situations. Think of it as an evolutionary gift that keeps on giving. And giving.
head over to the blog post and read the rest. it’s a light-hearted look at how crippling that shit can be.
some things that really helped me, two of which he mentions:
Deep breathing at the onset
Avoid caffeine
Get plenty of sleep
Exercise/Meditation. even if it’s a tiny bit. clears your head and improves breathing
Don’t be afraid to talk about it. TONS of people deal with this shit and most likely they will say something like “oh, yeah, i know exactly what you mean!”
Since this article addresses issues of interest to performing musicians, I’d like to throw my two cents in for the non-performing composer. There are other reasons for making music than commercial entertainment. Though it’s true that music has always been a social art form, it’s function as a private artistic experience goes back long before Bach, who believed in music as spiritual meditation. The advanced expressive capabilities of modern multi-track work stations and computer recording equipment turn music composition into an art closer to sculpture or painting than to the old collaborative 20th century model. I compose music for no other reason than the inner compulsion to make art. The tech is making this possible, and affordable.
We have long come to terms with poetry as an art of the everyday person, it’s rewards coming in the realm of personal expression or limited public prestige, and poetry flourishes in America. I hope music production evolves into a “folk” art as ubiquitous as nature. The music business will always be with us, but music itself must wake up from its commercialist delusion and become art again. Only artists can make that happen.
you can read the coug’s article, here. some things good, some not so good.
well, that first month didn’t take long to pass, did it? i kept busy over the last month by starting a pretty nice exercise regime, building a whole new infrastructure for work and getting the bicycle ready for spring riding and commuting (if i can talk my wife into letting me ride 15 miles one way to work. she thinks i’ll be killed.)
believe it or not, i’m running anywhere from 2-4 miles every morning and enjoying it. i’m seriously thinking about trying a duathlon in june. run 2 miles, bike 9 miles, run 2 miles. a big change from beer, programming, more beer, hacking, a little scotch or bourbon, etc. you see the trend.
as far as music goes. i’ll be playing with my friends nate dort and josh fuson in the coming months. we’ve decided to get together on occasion and play some music . a downtempo kind of project ala american analog set, LOW, Popol Vuh, etc. we’ll see where it takes us. we are also still working on the zero art project as well. hopefully we will be able to move forward sometime this spring. if anyone is interested in helping, please do not hesitate to go to the site and send me an email.
my semiotics album is on hold until the studio done. the albums is so very close to being done, but time is limited and going to another studio isn’t very convenient. it will get done, but who knows when. i may post some songs that are near completion so you can hear where they are heading.
just wanted to make a quick year end post to link to a few things that are really great and all of you should go and check out.
here’s to a great 2009 and hoping good energy wins.
